feature article :: Subject: To Change
Candice Schutter :: News That Moves You :: April 2012

When things fall apart, it may feel as if it is you that is broken. When you finally let go, the life you’ve outgrown is allowed to drop and shatter at your feet. You are all that’s left standing, staring down at the debris. It’s easy to confuse the broken bits you once identified with... with the you that feels naked and vulnerable. Yet, remaining whole is a matter of perspective. Change is a bitter-sweet inevitability involving sharp edges. When we allow it, we are stripped naked... then chiseled and reshaped by nature's hand into something more honest and real. I have spent nearly three years in an unknown and barren landscape. Questioning everything, wading through the shrapnel of my former self in hope of finding some solid ground on which to build anew. I have felt everything from freedom to despair, mostly inhabiting the space in between. Some of you have witnessed me for years and it is safe to say, I am not the same woman who wrote to you then, or even a year ago. I am brand new; and my fresh skin is still wonderfully pink and tender to the touch.

I have asked the question... “So who in the hell am I now?” so many times my eyes have crossed. Of course, at my very core, I am me still. But when you stop drinking the kool-aid and finally release the bars around your shadow self... the result is a blend of stark sobriety and wild exhilaration bound to shake life up a bit! And boy, does it ever. The most wonderful by-product of falling... falling... falling... and never hitting the ground is simple. Freedom. Lack of anchors leads to bolder questions and bigger truths.

Yet, I struggled with how to come out to you. I am a coach, an entrepreneur. How do you build a business without a big fat take-it-from-the-guru promise?! I’m not entirely sure... but I don’t aspire to be a guru. And I have little interest in a marketing hook to cast as bait. That approach feels fabricated to me; and, frankly, I think you deserve better than that. My business plan is to simply build credibility by telling you the truth... all of it. That being said, I have to be forthright and say that I will no longer be your personal growth correspondent. I won’t write to you about new-age (or old-age) formulas for getting what you want. I won’t allege to have answers to the questions that plague humankind. In fact, my primary message will be plain and simple: all things are subject to change.

Principles and perceptions will come and go. Roles will be assigned and outgrown. Skills will be necessary and will eventually become obsolete. Capitalize on what is constant about you... and be willing to LET GO of the rest... because you will be asked to let it go at some point. Without question, you will have to let it all go...

One constant that I know I am good at - expressing change. I gain courage and strength through transition and self-expression. And I know how to help you to do the same. Is that enough? I am finally learning what I have been telling you all along... Yes. Yes, you and what you naturally bring is enough.

My Constants (my most innate impulses)?
Change. I change often. Incessantly, in fact.
Expression is my way and is therefore my gift.
Movement is my metaphor. For everything.

My natural impulse and temperament used to be what fought against. Stick it out; it’ll be impressive. Hold it in, you’re too expressive. Don’t say that, it’s too aggressive. These inner critics held me hostage for years. Now I am turning my back and throwing up my metaphorical middle finger to them. So long, suckers! (Note: I am not blowing them goodbye kisses on the wings of angels ;)... I told you, no more sugar-coating it... this is me... take it or leave it. Goodbye false prophets of principle... I will erect my own altars, thank you very much.

Why so demonstrative and brash? Because, though you may not know it, that’s how I really am most of the time. And I finally get that when we deny what is constant about us, we are denying ourselves happiness.

Nearly every instance of discomfort, dis-ease, and disarray in my life has been a function of holding back my natural aptitude for change, movement and self-expression. And as I work with client after client, I see that I am not alone in holding myself hostage. Stifled and/or fabricated self-expression is a chronic angst in our culture. Fear of change leads to falsified, muted, or stifled expression. And this chronic fragmentation of self leads to diluted progression (or movement forward). And, as nature proves in endless iterations... what doesn’t move gets tight, painful or stagnant... and it withers and fades with time.

Muted expression leads to muted outcomes. Tolerance of mediocrity is not your birthright. You don’t have to suck it up any more. You can finally exhale FULLY when you experience an honest release of who you really are. It doesn’t mean that you act/speak without regard to others and consequence... it means that you are honest about who you are and what you bring. Especially when it changes. It is the only way you will ever remain free.

You and I are aligned in our expression if you are open to embracing CHANGE as a welcome ally for growth... if you would like to experience true and honest EXPRESSION as an unfiltered affair... and if you look around you and can grow to accept nature’s promise: that MOVEMENT is as essential to our hearts and minds as it is to our bodies.

Do you want to liberate your vehicle and your voice?
I can help. Let’s get moving....


as always, your comments (below) and shares are welcome. :)

Omega Redemption :: Bullies Begone
The Expression of Personal Power

A continual theme in my work with clients is what I call the Omega Archetype. An omega archetype is what I am calling the mental framework and behavior response pattern that invites persons with large personalities to dominate our sensibilities and overtake our lives. It is a relational expression that results in codependent dynamics resulting in feelings of powerlessness and frustration as we unknowingly (and sometimes knowingly) allow the people in our lives to dictate our own expression.

Psychologically speaking, like most things that rule our adult relational dynamics, it can usually be traced back to childhood conditioning. While therapy (sourcing the wound) is a process that can prove constructive as a foundation for change (and is essential in order to move forward in some cases) experience has taught me that often even a basic understanding of what is at the root can be enough of a foundation to tackling this growth opportunity. As always, my interest as a coach is in what we can do NOW to respond differently and thereby create new relational patterns moving forward. Assuming a client is able to acknowledge and develop awareness that there is a problem, the omega complex can be revealed... and healed through ACTION. It’s one of my favorite themes in sessions as it reveals a tremendous opportunity for growth, confidence building, and personal expansion.

I call this archetype “omega” because those who wrestle with this pattern are in one or more area of their lives serving as a scapegoat or emotional outlet for a more dominant personality, much like the omega in a wolf pack community. Most omegas are naturally very empathic, sensitive to the needs of those around them. Sometimes (or consistently) they choose to be in close contact with people who tend towards an alpha (or dominant) constitution. Whether it be a family member, spouse, employer, or best friend, one or more primary intimacy in their life is marked by a distinct dynamic whereby they are consistently forfeiting their power to another. Of course, many of us wrestle with this from time to time. But for an omega, the pattern is clear... bullies gravitate toward them.

It is important to note that an omega complex can become active in even the most outgoing, boisterous and willful of individuals. It is not a character weakness by any means, nor does it define us in every interaction. While there are certainly exceptions, it is most times a learned response due to childhood conditioning; therefore, it can show up only every now and then given the right set of circumstances. Consider this: Both the bully-alpha and passive-omega can be born out of the same environment of perpetual conflict (be it outwardly or passively aggressive). The bully-alpha imitates the active-aggressive agent, reliving past dynamics through the flexing of power.... while the victim-omega rejects the active aggression, swinging to the other end of the spectrum becoming the passive agent in the drama. The bully restores internal balance through external means, seizing the sense of personal power that they were denied as a child. The omega does just the opposite, restoring balance through internal means, “sucking it up” in order to win favor or avoid conflict. Ultimately, neither response leads to functional outcomes. The omega response is the more typical adaptation for women, and is what I come in contact with most often. Needless to say, the tendency toward passivity leads to a specific brand of resentment over time as we continually yield to the strong opinions or motivation of others.

It is essential to note that rarely is it one or the other entirely. I am not big on labels; and this is an intentional over-simplification in order to describe a dynamic. In fact, quite typically an individual with an omega complex will act out each end of the spectrum in different areas of their lives. For example, the mom that allows herself to be passively bullied by her boss day in and day out at work may also be the alpha at home - barking orders at the family in an effort to affirm that her voice has its place in the world. She lives with the stressful fragmentation of these two personas, feels frustrated at work, and alienates those closest to her. In the end, this alpha-omega complexity has little to nothing to do with who’s in charge or the hierarchy being acted out. Like everything, it’s about self-expression. When who we are is denied, it finds vehicle. In short... power will find a way to express itself, always. It’s just most effective when used consciously. Thus, deny your voice in one area of your life, and it will leak or roar! (rather inefficiently) into another.

I myself spent my twenties with a severe omega complex. My childhood home, while loving, was wrought with tension and my stepdad’s unpredictable and raging mood swings. Coupled with our incessant moving from year to year, I ran into my fair share of bullies. Though I am naturally quite vocal and willful, I followed the models available to me as a child and I learned to keep my mouth shut. My voice became muted and I learned to take it. Unbeknowst to me, I grew into a natural target for the power hungry because I gave them exactly what they wanted - an outlet for their aggression. I allowed myself to be the omega, passive in the face of over-assertion time and time again... teachers, bosses, friends, you name it. And it seemed that no matter how fed up I got, no matter how many times I walked away (or ran in some cases) from the agent of my suffering, another would be waiting in the wings to lead me back into that space of emotional paralysis. A space where I felt powerless to change.

If you are consistently pushed around by someone in your life, well-meaning or not, you are allowing them to exert power over you. If there is one thing that I have learned it is that - emotionally speaking - people cannot take power from us that we do not grant them. Period. This is not about blame; this about taking responsibility for the relationships in your life. You teach people how to treat you by your responses, plain and simple. What’s the old adage?: “One time, shame on you. Two times, shame on me.”

As a survivor of bullying and recovered omega, I am here to tell you that you don’t have to suck it up any more. Overcoming the omega complex is a rich emotional journey through what I consider there to be three distinct phases of power-recovery and redemption.

Redemption Phase 1 :: The Power to STAND UP
REGAINING personal power by learning to get up when pushed and cornered. Recovering from old wounds by reclaiming the voice and power that was denied as a child.

Redemption Phase 2 :: The Power to STAND YOUR GROUND
CLAIMING personal power by trusting in the power of your own will, to stand your ground and no longer allow the opinions and emotional assault of others to dictate and define your responses to life.

Redemption Phase 3 :: The Power to WALK ON
EXPRESSING personal power by making more conscious choices about where to place your valuable essence, time, and energy. Relationships that seek to control are no longer useful, as you have grown strong enough to no longer need them in your life.


Do you think an omega redemption might be in order for you?
I can help.

Learn more about coaching with Candice.

return to mission statement

My mission is to encourage self-expression through movement in life and body.
Expression is inevitable. Movement is inevitable. Together they shape your life.

You inherently long to express who you are...
Regardless of what your life looks like, you are naturally compelled to share yourself with the world around you.
When you offer yourself, your truth, and your gifts unfiltered in the moment, you feel vital and alive.
When you repress your authenticity repeatedly, over time it festers and creates imbalance in body and mind.

You seek to be validated in your expression in some way, shape or form...
You are a relational being who feels more real and intentional upon contact with others.
Your creations (in love, work, family life, or even in solitude) help you to define who you are.
Witnesses (be they supportive or critical) propel you forward and remind you that your perspective has alliance, contrast, and therefore meaning.

You continually change and evolve in your expression...
The creation of your perfect life will never be a completed project because you are ever-changing.
Your discomfort and disconnection with what you once felt to be enough is a natural part of your evolution.
You evolve by changing and MOVING THROUGH the various challenges/opportunities that come your way...




Move Your Body
Movement is as essential as breathing. A physical outlet is the body’s natural way of literally or metaphorically moving through tensions without need for identification or processing. Whether you appreciate it or not, you are a living and emotive being that requires some movement in order to release and shed stagnancy. Moving your body can take care of a lot of emotional baggage and save you the drama of processing. But it’s not enough in and of itself. Your body can be a metaphor for your progression, but it is no substitute....

Move Your Life
There is a cultural myth that eventually we will get there. Where exactly, we aren’t always certain... but if we just get that one job, that one partner, that one opportunity, everything will fall into place. So we strive to reach our goals, and often we do. And we are satisfied for a time. Then the hunger consumes us once more. Why can’t we just get happy and stay happy? Because we are wired to desire, and the wanting for more is at the core of our evolution as a species. Our lives are meant to continually reach forward. A time of respite is healthy, but when we linger too long stagnancy leaves us feeling restless and dissatisfied. Your life is meant to move through seasons, as long as you live and breathe...

Move Toward What Moves You
And so we learn we must change again and again - ourselves, our circumstances. Reaching again for something that could offer us more. Letting go of something that once was enough. Too often we substitute addictions for the more profound changes that are being asked of us because we are terrified of this natural compulsion to move forward. We are wired to desire experiences that bring about an expression of ourselves that is more than we ever thought we could be. When we stop denying our nature, we will find we enjoy the ride, though bumpy it may be at times. You must allow for the small deaths that birth new experiences. It is the nature of all existence. We must continually move toward that which brings about sensations of aliveness, exhilaration, and the thrill of new life!

Read more. Learn about the 5 Myths of Self-Expression. What beliefs may be coming between you and your uninhibited genius?

Radically Raw & Real
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, April 2011

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
E.E. Cummings

It has been nearly a year since I published an issue of theMessenger. Last spring, I decided to let go of the idea that it was something required of me, and I waited for an impulse to reach out. It is no exaggeration to say that I feel like a different person, writing to you now. The past year shifted me in irrevocable ways, and finding the words to articulate these shifts, still occurring within, will take time. The truth is, I haven't known exactly what to share in recent months. In the past, I would simply wait for experiences to ripen into insight, then find a way to place it in a larger context that others might be able to relate to. But the past year has offered me more questions than answers.

As a life coach in today’s culture, I often felt an implied pressure to offer a formula that promises transformation. I would peruse the shelves of self-help sections and marvel at the titles... each one making a claim towards a different brand of salvation (happiness, abundance, loving connection). I did my best to fit the mold of the perfect coach; even offering workshops featuring principles deemed as 'universal.' Yet, over time, I felt a nagging frustration grow within. While I did my best to encourage self-reliance, I began hearing a new brand of self-deprecating statements from clients who felt shame and frustration at their seeming lack of 'success' with the so-called laws of growth and transformation. I realize now that I was feeling a lack of integrity - pretending to have answers in a world that is a mystery to us. Who was I kidding? While I know that much of what I was sharing was of value... the concrete terms I began to speak in felt foreign to my subjective senses.

Eventually, the sensation of being boxed in by principle became unbearable. I wondered: What if I dared to offend the imaginary new age gods we have erected? What if I abandoned self-righteousness for the sake of freedom? What if I stripped off the bullshit facade and said whatever was on my mind without filter or fear of some invisible consequence? What if was just me, plain and simple... trading positively perky for radically raw and real? What if there was no fear of getting it wrong? What if I actually allowed myself to do everything I claimed I didn't want to do anymore... things like watching whatever I wanted on TV... exploring my sexuality more openly... drinking alcohol or even smoking a cigarette simply for the pleasureful buzz?! In short, what if stopped the great balancing act and took a great big nose dive from the pedestal of pretension and personal growth. While I don’t encourage a mindlessly reckless existence, I can tell you that a courageous season of debauchery can be extraordinarily therapeutic for the perpetually pious.

Just to be clear, piety is an adherence to virtue in order to win favor - be it the favor of the gods (conventional religion), the positive consequence of spiritual laws believed to govern existence (new agism), or a more general tendency towards conformity in order to avoid the judgment of the masses. It all counts as measuring oneself in reference to something or someone who has set a standard that you feel you must adhere to.

Surrendering to debauchery was easier than I expected. Soon, words and practices that once held meaning for me became empty vessels of inconvenient banter. I found myself attracted to the polar opposite of my status quo, gravitating towards people and experiences that existed without filters I didn’t even know I had. I began living my life without the dictates of someone else's formula and became immune to what had suddenly become spiritual mumbo jumbo to me. I began to marvel at how arrogant we humans can become, thinking we understand so much that is beyond our comprehension. What happened to vulnerability, the honesty of not having the answers? Not to mention, so much emphasis on the intangible seem to leave so many people disengaged from the real guts of life. How many of the delicious nuances of life do we miss while we pretended to be perfecting ourselves?
 
The death of someone I love deeply was the final blow to an already crumbling foundation. All it takes is a wake-up call to change everything we thought we once knew. We have many over the course of our lives. When we listen, we can open our eyes wider than ever before. When we don't, we cling eagerly to what we think will save us from swallowing the bitter-sweet medicine of change. I see now that I spent a decade immersing myself in dogma. At the time, it was exactly what was needed. It was a life vest that kept my head above water when the concept of the uncontrollable was too great an ocean to swim. In my effort to find meaning, I clung to ideas... married myself to practices... and even idolized others in an effort to avoid the powerlessness I felt within. None of this do I look back on with regret. However, I now see that the ideologies I leaned into for comfort eventually boxed me in. The rules that I let dictate my everyday kept me disconnected from the freedom I so longed for. And the people that I sought to be like were mostly mirages... each based on projections of latent parts of me that longed to take flight.

The funny thing is, I didn't even realize that I was holding myself hostage. That's the thing about the truth... it’s a mirror you have to turn and look into. It's for that reason I know that humility is essential to growth. It takes courage to question. It takes strength to say not, "I was wrong," but instead say "what was once right for me is no longer." Sound like the same thing? But it isn't. The first admission implies regret... a sentiment that misses the point altogether.

So now I write to you without answers, without guarantees, and without boundaries. I write because it is what I do... it is like breathing to me, and holding in air never feels good.

I am no longer waiting to exhale.

Diving in the Dark
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, May 2010

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
Carl Jung

It has been months since the last publication of theMessenger. The winter was a time of much needed withdrawal for me, and I couldn't but honor the urge to go within. Then, early spring brought a profound loss that sent me cocooning once more. I have been changed by these seasons more than I can express in words; yet, today I am determined to begin cracking through my shell.
 
In the fall issue, I wrote about my intimate journey of reclaiming debauchery. I encouraged uninhibited self-expression as an honorable and liberating pursuit. While I absolutely stand behind my advocacy for seasons of instinctual surrender, allow me to now expand with greater awareness. The aftermath of such liberation is almost always bitter-sweet, as the abandonment of what we have come to expect from ourselves reveals our hidden layers. Some realizations are delightfully exhilarating as they show us that we are capable of much more than we ever thought possible. Yet surrendering to secret passions can also release latent shadowy forces - sending us careening into caverns where we are left to humbly poke around in the dark. Both experiences are beautiful. Both are necessary. And one cannot exist without the other. Allow me to elaborate...
 
I am writing to you from the rugged Oregon Coast. Just outside my window, the ocean is booming with life. The tide is rolling in and the depths of the sea are being delivered to the shore, carrying endless miles of history with it. Waves tear at the earth, reshaping it with a force whose origin is unseen. The call of the sea is unstoppable, eager, and unrelenting. Eventually, the currents will retreat once more; yet, the shoreline will never be the same. In this way, the sea echoes the perpetual awakening of the soul and its inevitable effect on our day-to-day reality.
 
Diving in Darkness: The Paradox of the Soul
   
My business brand invites clients to shine - to embrace their brilliance as the guiding light within. I encourage focus on positive potential, and consciously lining up choices with passion and possibilities. I have seen the power of a positive paradigm time and time again, as it is often our vantage point that keeps us stuck in disempowering dynamics. Shifting to a more empowered state of being (and acting!) can be a key to liberation.
 
Nevertheless, the soul's journey is paradoxical; it reveals more of who you are through the contrast that life offers. Growth is all about integration of the whole of you. Fulfillment comes when you close the gap between shine and shadow.
 
When we resist aspects of who we are, they go underground. Ironically, these rejected qualities are meant to be essential and productive contributors to the life we are living! But because we deem them as unworthy, they become the unruly children of our psyche. Denied the vehicle of expression, they spill out into our everyday lives wreaking havoc in subtle, yet powerful ways.
 
You see, there is an inevitability that is certainly universal: the promise of change. The soul - simply a word for our ever-evolving potential - is constantly seeking new landscapes through which to reveal itself as more. New ways of being are inevitably calling to us and, no matter how we resist, we are continually renewed through our life experiences. The most powerful sirens of change catch us off guard. As a result of a natural learning curve, we resist the unknown. Thus, opportunities are resented as 'difficulties' to overcome... ever-evolving desires manifest in 'bad habits' we long to be rid of... or a person meant to birth a new level of awareness in us becomes a 'thorn in our side.' In each instance, it is simply a case of near-sightedness.

Let us return to the ocean analogy. Imagine the tides represent the soul's cyclical calls toward a larger life. When we resist a call to dive deeper, life speaks louder through the currents of circumstance. The tide continues to roll in more and more aggressively until the boom of new life that is stirring can no longer be ignored. It creeps ever closer and, when necessary, it submerges our sense of self until we are paddling around in the dark. The shadowy, underwater portals can be frightening - usually showing up as a circumstance or relationship that reveals us raw. We come face to face with our darker impulses, our vulnerability, and our resulting heartfelt desires. 
 
Yet the more we fight against the current - especially the shadowy stuff that we'd rather deny and project onto others - the more we get beaten and battered. The forcefulness of the riptide is waking us up! True, we can't see clearly now... perhaps we can't even find the ground beneath us; yet, in time, it will find us. If we can relax into the knowing that darkness always offers its counterpart, we become humbly available to the brilliance that is destined for us. Rest assured, the waters will retreat once more... and each time the waters reunite with their source, we are revealed anew. We can gaze around in awe and wonder at the beautiful landscapes left in the wake of our next incarnation. This life is many lives in one; and embracing this wild ride will free you up for boundless joy... again and again and again.
 
Be Willing to Change... everything.
   
Much like the shoreline is carved by the hand of the sea, our character is shaped by the hidden recesses of the soul. We must yield to its revelations, even when we'd rather hold on for dear life or even run for cover. Calls toward expansion will only get louder in our denial of them. And what is denied in us will find its way to us eventually. The magnificent wild tidal waves of the shadow self will come crashing to the shore.
  
Growth is delivered to us via nature's contraction and expansion. Waves cycling in and out. All transformation is contingent upon this coupling: brilliant dreams arise from the shadows of longing... desires launch from unwanted conditions... and new paradigms are born from old complexes. Life is a divine coupling of rip-roaring discomfort and the new potential it births.
 

Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman

 
When you get used to the idea of change, you begin to understand that it is the only absolute to be certain of. Therefore, are you willing to contradict yourself in order to expand? Will you allow the awareness of deeper aspects of your being (even those you would rather deny) to propel you forth? Are you willing to change your beliefs when your experience calls for a new vantage point?

Wild waves of freedom result from discontent and are invitations to be at one with your untamed nature. Just like the sea, your soul is never still; it is never unmoved by the life you are living. Yet it is not enough to succumb to the call of the wild indefinitely. It is essential to experience and mine such impulses for the motivation at their core. What essential part of me is fighting to be free? And how can I consciously embrace all the shadowy stuff that is stirred to the surface as an opportunity to mature in my understanding of life? When the wild impulses within are no longer denied - when they become integrated and accepted for the medicine they offer - they become functional contributors to your life experience. You are free to be you. And there is nothing more pleasing to the soul.
 
Never stop etching your visions into sandy shores. Yet curse not the waves that spill forth, wiping your slate clean and transforming the canvas yet again. Your soul cannot be stagnant any more than the sea can be contained. So celebrate the dark and shadowy depths of your being, and use them as fluid platforms that elevate you to meet the sun's rays.

Debauchery: Living a Life Untamed
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, November 2009

True debauchery is liberating because it creates no obligations. In it you possess only yourself; hence it remains the favorite pastime of the great lovers of their own person. 
- Albert Camus

I have recently ventured on an experiment of sorts. I am exploring the many delightful gifts of debauchery...a life untamed. The controversial implications of the word debauchery make it the perfect choice. Its actual meaning: extreme indulgence in sensuality and/or seduction from virtue or duty. Despite its cultural baggage, debauchery is quite simply: freedom unleashed. It is a choice that is unconcerned with the opinion of others. It is the medicine that every generation brings to the one that proceeds it as it challenges all that is considered true in order to evolve humanity forth. Its powerful nature may reveal darkness; yet, it is a volcanic force of change. When you embrace the gifts of debauchery, it holds the potential to launch all aspects of who you are becoming into orbit. It can be a bold and chaotic revolution of self. I am wild with delight in my own personal brand of debauchery.
 
You might be thinking, "whoa there, girl! why the need for such rebellion?"

Surrendering The New Religion 
For nearly a decade, I have focused almost singularly on self-awareness and personal growth. I have studied, and I have practiced. As a dutiful student of spiritual inquiry and metaphysics, I did my best to clear the clutter of my mind. I made sure that my intentions were defined and directed. I abstained from alcohol and other substances that might inhibit my ability to focus. I taught others how to become conscious of their words, thoughts, and actions. I even became extremist in my choices; sharing energy only with people who I felt contributed to my aim for such diligence. This continual emphasis on being deliberate certainly created some useful habits in me. Yet, over time, I became restless, caged, and - truth-be-told - even slightly judgmental. In some ways, I had allowed "spirituality" to become my religion. I let it confine me to elitist thinking and/or artificial ways of being that felt misaligned with my own evolving inner guidance.
 
Like a tiger in a cage, I began pacing the parameters of my confines, seeking a way out. As a result, I sent out a signal for freedom from my monastic pursuits - freedom from principle, form and constructs. I found myself gravitating towards examples of raw truth and uncensored self-expression, hoping they held the key to my release.

Unleashing the Wild Woman
My desire for freedom summoned the perfect series opportunities. Zumba arrived on the scene to liberate me on a physical level. Through wild girations of my form, I began to embrace my body in a way like never before. Latin dance has taught me that my curves are glorious mechanisms for femininity - round and supple counterparts to circular, raw, explosive movements. In embracing my body in this new way, I was introduced to an unexpected ally:  She is bold, wild, sexy, and physically passionate...a creature who thrives on freedom. She is a fiercely-alive, untamed version of me.
 
Her hunger was palpable after spending so much time latent. She began to comb her surroundings for outlets, and she found more than one. The past couple of months have sent me into uncharted territories on every level. My desires have become vehicles for my own liberation. I have been living uncensored, accepting opportunities that send me forth in unrefined celebration and pleasure.
 
For as long as I can remember, I have resisted the wild woman within. I tamed my unruly curls; now I let them pour forth. I covered my curves; now I flaunt them. I push against the parts of me that revealed uncensored shadow truths; now I am openly revealing the dark spaces. I am surrendering my attachment to discipline and am allowing the grace of the moment to guide me. It has been a wild and insightful ride. Yet, in shadows revealed there is a bright spark of self-realization. And let me tell you, if joy is an indicator (which I believe it to be), I am on the right track. My laughter is resonating more and more expansively every day.

Daring to Go Further 
In the spirit of said intention, I am liberating my voice with you as a witness. I will become a more free and willing vessel for my work. Up until now, my rawest musings have been sequestered to the pages of my journals. Visible posts have been edited and distilled wisdoms that reveal only the bright spots. I now realize that the most powerful examples are authentic and pure transmissions of both shadow and shine. You simply can't have one without the other.
 
If you feel so inspired, I invite you to tune in and even chime in! Become a Fan on Facebook or subscribe to the SHiNE Blog RSS feed to view recent and future postings. Attend an upcoming class or retreat and I promise to more consciously create space for all shades of shadow and shine.
 
Thank you in advance for bearing witness as I allow my voice to expand. It is my hope that this act of courage will inspire a comparable unveiling of some latent potential in YOU. Delight in the discoveries that your untamed desires can reveal. Remember, it is the coupling of your darkness and your light that shapes the whole of who you are.

Desire: Friend or Foe?
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, September 2009

It is never the idol that you want,
but what you think it offers you.
- A Course in Miracles

Let's face it:  desire has gotten a bad rap for centuries. With roots in both eastern and western religious traditions, renunciation of desire has penetrated the collective psyche as a noble aim in an ever-expanding material world. We are taught - through an onslaught of psychological, sociological, and spiritual influences - that desire is selfish and fleeting...and that the ego (desire's vehicle) must be defeated in order to experience true happiness. Yet despite our best intentions, desire remains a human epidemic we have yet to overcome as a species. Some might wonder, if we are truly evolving, why are we still yearning?
 
Humans are a species mesmerized by dichotomies. We continually do the dance of extremes in order to propel ourselves forth. Desire is a force hard to deny; thus, when renunciation of the material world wages a war within, we turn to consumption. After feeding impulse after impulse, we find we are still left empty. We pretend our hunger means nothing...we pretend it means everything...and now we are ready to stop pretending.
 
Every human longing points to a potential within. Our minds are magicians, continually whipping up potions that we think promise us the end we are seeking. We spend time and resources casting spell after spell in hopes to manifest the IT that will deliver us the sensation we so long for. Time and time again, the end-result is short-lived. Thus, we blame desire itself for leading us astray.
 
Yet, what if we are simply missing the point? What if desire is not the problem. Perhaps it is our approach to it that needs to be re-evaluated. I have come to understand that each and every desire (without exception) point us in the direction of a universally-desired sensation. Thus, at the heart of our desire is alignment with a potential that is seeking to be born through our life experience.
 
What You Really Want is YOU
The object of your desire is not the problem; the fact that you want IT is not the source of your mood swings. It is in the misunderstanding of these impulses that you find cause to suffer. Put simply, desire is an indicator that something more is calling to you. Life's struggles aren't a result of the cycle of incessant wanting. Suffering may be due to attachments to the many forms that your physical creation has taken, or may take in the future. Or, perhaps more commonly in our western culture, suffering is ignoring oneself and never fulfilling the potential buried beneath surface longing.
 
What you really want is to E X P A N D - to express more of your evolving essence. The objects of your desire are simply things that you believe will deliver the goods - the goodness that is your birthright. Desire is the eager whimper of a more evolved YOU that is currently hidden from view. To deny it is to deny your innate tendency for growth and expansion.
 
Paradoxically, it is the denial of our deepest desires that causes the ego run amok. Anyone who has ever stayed the course of a circumstance (or way of being) long-outgrown knows the blessed tantrums of the ego. Interestingly, when we finally let go and yield to what would feel better - in thought, word, or action - the tempest fades. Alas, could the ego be an ally on this journey?! Oh yes, indeed!! An ego-soul alliance is pulsing at the core of this message.

Metaphorically speaking, your soul is in a state of perpetual rebirth. (I mean, in this life, you are meant to evolve continually). Your ego and its wealth of experience offer vessels of gestation through which you are meant to grow in and out of. And, it is the contractions of desire that deliver you forth. They ensure your expansion by pushing you towards greater degrees of love, joy, freedom, and well-being.

Some spiritual teachers have told us to seek the medicine from within. They say that if we sit still long enough...if we dive deep enough...and if we resist the dream of the physical world around us, we will be rewarded with limitless joy. Yet, is the point of this physical dimension simply to deny it? Or, can we have both? - the boundless joy of expansion and the pleasures of human existence?
 
Every aspect of the living world is in a state of perpetual expansion. Growth and evolution of form is the way of the physical domain. At the root of this propulsion forth is - you guessed it - desire. The longing for something better. Desire is the catalyst for change. Change is a means for personal expansion. And personal expansion is the key ingredient in collective evolution. Accept and embrace your desires as reflections of latent potential within all of us.

What Should I Do? Letting Inspired Action Take You
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, July 2009

Action may not always bring happiness,
but there is no happiness without action.
- Benjamin Disraeli
 

What should I do?
It's a common question. I come face-to-face with it often - in sessions with clients, and in my own personal life. At the heart of the question is disempowerment. It begs for a prescribed to-do list that will help to sooth the feeling of disconnection. However, acting from such a desperate space rarely feels good. Rather than approaching the situation with immediate action, I find it to be far more efficient to focus on clarifying desires. When we do this, we address the feeling space directly, and then let the to-do list emerge from the space of inspiration. Inspiration is alignment with the best of you.
 
For the most part, I tend to follow my bliss where it takes me - which means shedding old skin (ie. labels and livelihoods) often. I have been told I am being 'impulsive' and 'unreasonable' more than once. If following my impulsive whims makes me appear flighty and without rational direction, so be it! The compass that I follow is Happiness Itself...and it always points toward my greater good. I can honestly say that I get happier and happier as the years pass. There is nothing more fulfilling to me that riding the waves of inspiration. I do what I love; I love what I do. When that statement no longer applies - and I have learned this the hard way - it is time to make a change. When I resist that change, I suffer. And when I allow it, I feel a surge of inspiration and opportunity that defies description. In short, letting go of what no longer serves me makes me available to what does. Thus, in response to what should I do?, the primary and immediate action that is required is to stop doing that which I feel I am no longer a match with.

Having said that, living an inspired existence is not a lazy affair! On the contrary. It takes dynamism, energy, and stamina to ride the waves of inspiration as they come. Taking inspired action lends itself to a life of courageous self-discovery. And while it may mean taking a scary leap or two (or twenty-two!), the payoff is bigger than any other. When you are feeding life with what sends your heart soaring, it rewards you with life force energy and opportunity beyond measure!
 
How does it feel?
How do you know what constitutes an inspired action?  Use the compass within to direct your sails. You see, at its best, action is fueled by inspiration and passionate self-discovery. At its worst, action holds us in stagnant defiance of who we are longing to become. When you are reaching for something in your life, action is futile without right alignment. Actions that disallow your growth create dis-ease in your world. Simply put, they are inefficient, energetic leaks that need addressing. You recognize them for the strain and discomfort they bring about. On the contrary, ease can be found through inspiration. Sometimes it is found in pushing edges that propel you forward. The sensation is one of freedom and exhilaration (sometimes experienced as fear). Yet, the cliff-diving leaps of creation become easier over time as you learn that what moves you to jump has the power to send you soaring.

Look at your to-do list for the week. What do you see? Responsibilities? Inspired Ideas? For most people, responsibility takes the cake. Indeed, our daily comings and goings are important. Many of your daily tasks make you available to the peace of mind that invites inspiration. Yet responsibilities become liabilities when they keep us apart from ourselves. Action is inefficient when it holds in fearful stagnancy. The way of humanity (and all of life) is one of continual transformation. Inspired action means taking a risk...and moving towards what moves you in the moment.

Therefore, consider taking less action...and allow inspired actions to take you (further).

Feeling Stuck Knowing Which Way to Go
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, May 2009

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us... the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton
 

As a coach, I am privy to the themes of human experience. While the stories of our lives take on different shapes and characters, certain sensations are common. Feeling stuck - either energetically or circumstantially - is a common sensation that we all face at one time or another.
 
Upon closer examination, "I feel stuck" is describing a sensation of powerlessness. To feel powerless is to lose connection to the voice of your soul and who you are longing to become. As a depth coach, my job is to poke around in the dark to help realign you with the light source beckoning to you from within - reflecting itself through your life experience.

Neale Donald Walsh cleverly describes the SOUL as a Singular Output of Universal Life. So let's imagine your soul is a light source through which a larger intelligence speaks to you. Your soul light shines on the fluid landscape of your life in order to guide your way. Like a compass, it directs you to move this way and that in order to connect you with greater potentials. When you yield to the trajectory of your soul, you feel the bliss of life’s light shining upon you. You feel powerful as you move towards more. Yet, when you turn away from potential - often towards the directional light of what you think others might want of you - you feel lost and disconnected from joy. The light seems to elude you. Why? Your soul has shifted its energetic focus in the direction of your potential, and you are not following along. You are stuck being who you once were. Your discomfort is your soul calling out your name in the dark, inviting you to turn towards your future. Thus, the feeling of being lost (or stuck) is good news! It lets you know that you have developed into the new you, and that now is a time to shift your vantage point and direction.
 
Living authentically is an internal gauge that can only be read from within. When you are in alignment with your soul - your values, passions, purpose, who you are becoming - you know it by how good you feel. Authenticity is a continuous dance of keeping up with who you are being called to be.

When your soul light turns you in an unpopular direction; you must go in order to realign. Approval is fluid and co-creative - others reflect how much you are able to accept your right to become. They give your will something to push against in order to develop strength and confidence in who you are. Yet, this discomfort too shall pass. In the end, living authentically is never about rebellion - fighting against what others think of you only strengthens your fixation on them as your gauge. Nor is authentic living about isolation - to live in alignment with who you are does not require abandoning the desires of (and your commitment to) those you love. On the contrary, you are more present and true in every relationship when you are confident, secure, and walking in the world as who you really are. You no longer confuse the way you feel with outside causes; nor do you expect others to be as you are. You understand that YOU are the first cause of your greatest joys and sorrows, not those around you. Because your joy depends on you alone, the people in your life approach you eagerly. Your feeling good is up to you...they are off the hook! This leaves you both present for authentic connection.
 
As a final thought: when you are feeling powerless, it is important to note that your soul light only gets stronger and stronger in your search for it. It is there; always it is there calling out to you. In fact, without this light from behind, you would not even be able to see your shadow. Isn't that a grand design!

Life Was Meant to Feel Good
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, March 2009

There is no excuse not to feel good
knowing what you know.
- Abraham-Hicks

You may have noticed that the February issue of theMessenger never made it out into cyberspace. I was on a personal retreat - a Abraham-Hicks Well-Being Adventure Cruise to the Mexican Riviera with a dear friend and nearly 600 like-minded souls. It was truly a pivotal and inspiring journey for me. I feel certain that I was forever changed by the inspired teachings I was exposed to, the individuals whom I met, and the hours spent steeping in hot tubs and transformative discussions.

Something was revived in me...something that I have known since my first dawn in this world...something that shapes everything that I choose as I walk through the world. Life was meant to feel good.

I so enjoyed being on the receiving end of a message that clarifies with such simplicity the essence of that which I share in every SHiNE offering. My commitment to our inherent right to feel good is the source behind each and every SHiNE creation. When we are in alignment with who it is we are becoming, we radiate contagious enthusiasm and creative inspiration. When we allow the natural expression of our truth and magnificence to shine, we feel fabulous and connected to all of life. However, when we dilute the fullness of our gifts or disallow our most honest self from evolving forth, we suffer from disharmony or dis-ease. My life has been - and continues to be - a navigation of this most basic principle of life. The path of my bliss dares me to step into alignment with more of my potential with each passing moment.

So what are common stumbling blocks for so many of us? Why don't we feel good more of the time?

Learning to Trust Yourself
In some cases, we navigate our course based on the opinions of those around us. We turn our attention away from our internal guidance and we fixate on how we are being received by our environment. Dis-empowerment is self-inflicted as we stray from our path in order to become what we perceive is expected of us or become stuck in being who we once were. This tendency often shows up subtly through our self-talk; we use words and phrases like: should and have to. The honesty of what is real for us is denied for the sake of what we think is right, rather that what we know is right for us in the moment.

Finding the joy that is in our very nature hinges on our ability to differentiate our desires from the desires of those around us. What turns you on is personal and unique to you. Let us all be reminded that the need to please others - and/or to fit into a way of being that is contrary to the essence of who we are - leads to suffering. It is a Loving Universe that guides us in this way. Through energetic imbalances - negative emotion and/or physical dis-ease - we are being guided to return to ourselves once more. It is nature's way of saying: Deny who it is you have become and I will remind you to make a shift. Realign with what brings you great joy and you will feel relief. It is always reminding us...in order to feel good, you must be true to the essence of who you really are - and who you are continually becoming. I can't think of a message more loving than that.

Relief As An Indicator
It is in the moments of disconnection from Who We Really Are that we feel fear and discouragement. It is only when we miss the point of such moments that we get stuck in the rut of despair. These 'low moments' are simply letting us know that we are not aligned with our deepest desires. Our inner guidance is providing us with feedback - in this case, negative emotion - that let's us know we are out of alignment with direction in which we are evolving. The more we feed this self-created reality of disempowerment (with self-defeating criticism or habituated actions) the worse we feel.

However, if we turn away from the discomfort and consciously seek a feel-good experience, we immediately feel relief. And relief is feedback that lets us know we are moving closer to Who We Really Are. Relief can come from shifting your attention from a topic that "brings you down" to a topic that is neutral and/or of a higher frequency for you. At other times, it is a matter of re-framing your experience so that you see the gift - the opportunity to develop into more of who you have become - through each and every choice you make.

As we move into spring, set the intention to make FEELING GOOD your practice. When you come face-to-face with a perceived source of discomfort, either shift your attention or shift your perspective. Allow yourself the freedom to choose how you want to feel in relationship to the world around you. Whatever you do, find a way to feel good. And yes...you can. You came into the world knowing how to do this. You are hard-wired to follow your emotions (internal vibrations) as indicators...you get better and better at it with time and practice. Life is supposed to be a process of continual improvement as you become a master of choosing more consciously over time.

Since returning from my travels, I have re-committed to this practice. And I have been exuding more enthusiasm and positivity than ever! So much so, in fact, that I was recently accused of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. To this I responded, "Thank you! And if you'd like, I'd be happy to fashion you a pair!"

Photo from The Full Body Project
Body Love Forge an Alliance with The Skin You’re In
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, January 2009

*[Wo]man is the sole animal whose nudity offends her own companions, and the only one who, in her natural actions, withdraws and hides herself from her own kind.
- Montaigne

Tis' the season of new year's resolutions. Did you expect to see a different kind of picture? Take a minute to really look at the photo above. What comes to mind as you view these full-figured women in all their glory?
 
When I was in college studying for my BA in Psychology and Human Development, one class that rocked my world was entitled: Prejudice and Stigma. My dynamic professor, Chris Crandall, is still at it. He has been studying prejudice for decades. Specifically, he is an expert on the topic of weight-related prejudice. I vividly remember the day when he revealed to us what I considered staggering statistical findings. He and his colleagues found that:  The parents of obese children were significantly less likely to pay to send them to college. The familial weight-dependent prejudice displayed towards female children was much higher than that of boys. And that perhaps the most painful aspect of the stigma of "fat" in all age groups - what set this stigma apart from other demographics - was that even people of the same size and shape were reportedly prejudiced toward one another. In essence, antipathy towards fat people is pervasive and culturally reinforced, even within the family and social circles.

The picture gallery referenced above intrigues me for the way in which it challenges me to think. Did you notice any culturally inherited prejudices in your perception of these ladies? These are women who dance in naked defiance of the cultural spell many of us are under. First, they bask in the glow of self-acceptance without sucking it in or reliance on airbrushing. That is inspiration enough. Yet they take it a step further. They blatantly dare you to face your judgments, your assumptions, and your willingness to accept beauty in all its variations. They dare to flaunt their abundant curves, usually kept hidden. They reach to one another for the courage it takes to be seen...a collective band of body-blazing pioneers. They are heros in their own right.

Over fifteen years after Dr. Crandall's initial findings, I can honestly say that I don't know one woman - of any shape or size - who is immune from the terrifying stigma of "fat" on some level. Again and again, I am surprised to learn that even the most slender, dynamic, and powerful women are fighting against their bodies. It's the same story in variant forms...25-year old women "feeling fat" while wearing everything from size two to size twenty, 35-45 year old women confused that they are no longer shaped like a teen model, and women 50+ years young who quite literally ban themselves from the pleasure of a bathing suit for life due to the pain of body-loathing. It's our best kept secret - this emotional sickness among women. We only allude to the symptoms of it, as our helplessness keeps us from diving too deep.

On my own journey, I have certainly braved the seas of change from adolecence into womanhood. Even my youth and interest in movement didn't keep me immune. I look back on photos of me athletic, thin, and in my “physical prime.” I feel a mixture of awe and utter sadness that I feared and "felt fat" even then! Now as I step into another transformative season of life, I peel back the layers on more negative beliefs and self-judgments as my body is changing. When will I truly feel total body acceptance?

If, like me, you have an intention for greater health and self-care in 2009, I fully support your mission. Yet I have discovered time and time again that intentions driven by the desperation of body-loathing are not a healthy prescription for change. True motivation comes from a heartfelt desire for a more fulfilling life, not a smaller dress size. And fitness is about so much more than a number on a scale.

In 2008, I took a break from dancing and most forms of fitness. This time-out was prompted by my body's cries for a hiatus from over seven years of pretty much continual dynamic movement. During that time the prescription for my wellness was stillness. Over the course of my time off, I gained nearly 20 lbs along with the weight of some new leisurely habits. Nevertheless, I was inventing new ways to be healthy and whole. And, I was invited to love my body anew - an ever-developing woman existing amidst a more curvaceous landscape.

I recently started dancing again...as the integration completed its cycle, my spirit began to stir once again. I thought it would surely take a few months to feel the power of fitness and movement as I once had. What I discovered after only 1 week of movement was glorious! No, not that I had lost a bunch of weight or that I had rock-hard abs. I discovered that I immediately felt alive again...that sweat is an elixir of bliss when delivering the spirit within...and that to move is to breathe life forward. All of these are indicators of true fitness. To express my spirit through the flesh, at any age and cycle of life, that is wellness realized.

Lightness can be felt at any size. Beauty can be activated in a deep cleansing breath or in a simple movement of the hips. And fitness is an aliveness that can only be measured from within.

Ladies, I know I am not alone in my journey to change the way I think about my body and fitness. Yet, instead of turning to one another for support, we turn to our mirrors in shame. We turn to fad diets...we turn to deprivation and isolation...we turn to creams to hide our cellulite...and unfortunately, we turn on one another through subtle energetics that feed our pain and disconnection.

As with all mentalities we outgrow as a species, this cultural madness must be brought to light and shed. In 2009, like the women pictured above, let's create an alliance to accept one another in the ways in which we would like to be accepted. I propose that we band together to step out of the darkness and into the light and brilliance that comes from navigating our fears. Let's stop turning our back on one another and let's find fitness, pleasure, and self-acceptance somewhere other than in our reflections and dress sizes.

If you feel so inspired, I invite you to join me in the following New Year's Resolution:

• I will do my best to accept and find beauty in my body, as it is - giving myself at least one physical complement per day.

• I will send a message of body-based appreciation and admiration to at least one woman per day (via a heartfelt complement, through thought or word).

• I will readjust my thinking in order to incorporate a new definition of fitness - one where feeling radiant and powerful is more important than feeling thin. I will seek opportunities to express my radiance through my body in 2009!

Turning Breakdowns into Breakthrough
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, December 2008

Sometimes a breakdown can be the beginning of a kind of breakthrough, a way of living in advance through a trauma that prepares you for a future of radical transformation.
- Cherrie Moraga

 
Life is a series of breakthroughs.
 
Consider the way in which we come into the world. Quite literally breaking through, we begin the cycle of life as we know it. We are pushed into being by a force beyond our control. What lies on the other side of the trauma that we are experiencing is unknown, and is therefore feared. Soon we learn that the same force that pushed us into the world is the essence of nourishment and safety. Nevertheless, in the moment of birth and emergence, we cry out as the light pierces the veil of darkness. Naturally, we wince at a power that exceeds comprehension.
 
We spend the rest of our life re-living this birth pattern, comforts followed by contractions. These contractions often come to us as breakdowns - some aspect of our life threatening to dissolve. Each time, life is leading us to a new emergence (greater light) so that we might experience more brilliance - of insight, of connection, of purpose. Through each and every breakdown - however dark it may seem - is the womb through which more light will emerge. Thus, each breakdown is a breakthrough - a state of emergenc-y in the truest sense.
 
If we so choose, we may reframe our approach to the emergencies of life. There is no denying that such seasons of change can be painful and confusing. The time spent in the midst of breakdown is a time of contraction requiring strength and endurance, and can be especially difficult if the light of breakthrough cannot be readily seen in the distance. A breakdown forces us from the comfort of the status quo so that we might acknowledge what we have too long denied. We have become dependent on habits that we have outgrown, and we are being forced to take our life to the next level.
 
Generally, breakdowns are met with fear. (Just look no further than current state of our financial sectors for evidence of this on a cultural level). The natural energy of fear is contraction, withdrawal, and sometimes panic. In times of breakdown, we are conditioned to feel smaller as we are faced with a force beyond our control. We may feel defeated, ill-equipped, and unsure of what is to come. In essence, we ask the same questions that we did not have words for as we emerged from the womb - where oh where could these contractions be taking us?!
 
I suggest we approach this time of contraction with consciousness, introspection, and a certain degree of trust. Activate your inner witness, and assess what is no longer in harmony with your most heartfelt desires. Ask yourself: What habits have I outgrown? How am I being asked to change? In what ways am I limiting the possibilities in my life? And, what am I most afraid of? In this way, we consciously engage with each contraction, willingly and openly breathing through the waves of challenge in the hope of greater insight.
 
Yet awareness, while most essential, is only the yin of it. in the end - and only you will know when it is time - you must be prepared to engage the yang within...to push your way out. Contractions get closer together; discomfort forces you into action...and you facilitate your own rebirth by taking courageous steps that align you with the potential you are stepping into.
 
Listening to the wisdom of breakdown, we learn from it, and thereby facilitate breakthroughs in our own lives. Keep in mind, reflection can be made easier in the company of a coach, an ally, or a dear friend. When we are held in the spirit of self-empathy, fear is transmuted into power. When navigated consciously, fear can actually be used as a wisdom that results in a more expansive you. Just as contractions enable birth, if allowed, fear enables new life. Contraction begets expansion. Breakdown begets breakthrough.
 
Keep in mind, most breakthroughs happen in stages. Each and every contraction bringing more awareness of how we must continually move and grow. Take it one step at a time, and know that the joy of a new path is emerging:
 

AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson
 
Chapter I:
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
 
Chapter II:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
 
Chapter III:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
 
Chapter IV:
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
 
Chapter V:
I walk down another street.

The Power of Choice
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, June 2008

It's choice... that determines your destiny.
- Jean Nidetch

As a coach, I come across people everyday who are in a season of transition. Often I sit with a client as she weighs her options in regards to the various aspects of life. Be it venturing out on a new career path, taking a relationship to the next level, or rising from a season of depression, people come looking for a container of grace in which all facets of a situation can be seen more clearly.

Through experience, I have learned the power of language as a tool for transformation. The simple act of attending to our inner dialogue has the power to change the course of our thinking...and of our lives. When teaching exercises in conscious communication (stay tuned, workbook coming soon!), I suggest we flag certain words in order to shift the flow of energy in our minds and hearts. This creates a reset function in regards to our thinking and can be the key ingredient to shift a mental construct for good.

Make Choices vs. Decisions

When I hear a client say..."I need to decide, and I'm just not sure what to do." It is then I know that choice is the medicine of the moment. To decide in a moment of ambivalence forces a false sense of finality to the present moment. I invite us to honor the now of our reality, rather than focusing on the how (which is a function of the future, taking us out of the moment). Sometimes when we feel pressure to make decisions (knowing how), rather than choices (knowing now), we inadvertantly disempower ourselves. We make assumptions about the future and add unnecessary weight to our choices - assuming we know where each will lead us over time. We bind ourselves to a way of being that may serve us in the moment, yet not necessarily long-term. And, most of all, we rob ourselves of the freedom to experience the miracle that is a change of heart.

Choices are authentic, in-the-moment, and ever-changing - as are we! To choose is to evoke the essence of self acceptance and allows room for growth. Choice is a priviledge meant to evolve us towards more responsible expressions of who we are in the world. The highest choices are those that create more peace, love, and harmony in the world around us. We can decide to change the world, but can only happen one choice at a time.

So this month, practice presence. And if and when you feel the weight of decision upon you, choose what feels right in the moment instead. Respond to the now and release the how.

How To Be A Woman
May 13, 2008 by Candice Schutter
(response to How to Be A Man by Steve Pavlina)

The Yin Warrior is an ancient archetype, and a woman of a new and enlightened world. She is the wayshower for the many who yearn for the Feminine to re-emerge as compassionate, empathic leadership.

The Order of Life for the Yin Warrior is:
Instinct: elemental connection with her environment (her physical body being the most important environment to fully embody)
Intuition: the way that life speaks to and through her through Instinct (felt sensation) as a foundation
Interdependence: how her instincts and intuitions enable her to effectively interact with others in relationships

For too long the Yin Warrior has been asleep in our culture. The Order of Life for women has been operating backwards. Relationships are often put before all else - overriding both the impulses of Instinct and Intuition. Intuition has been overshadowed by measurable truths or mistaken for mystical fantasy. And Instinct - spoken through the physical body world - has become a vehicle in which to meet desired ends, rather than a sacred space to embody as the foundation of life.

Let's re-visit The Order of Life for the Yin Warrior through some of her many tools:

INSTINCT
A woman has a visceral knowing - being one with the earth. She understands the elemental dust from which she - and all things - arise from and return to. She embraces the body in its curvaceous celebration of the cyclical nature of form. The body is her temple and instinct is the voice of the Earth itself echoing through its walls. As the space through which life enters, she is masterful at understanding energetic landscapes and the weather patterns of the life unfolding all around her. Her body speaks volumes through sensation.

Sensation
She becomes silent enough to attend to the winds within her body and its resulting rhythms. Harmony is found in nature and her connection to it. All of life around her is Nature speaking to her. She asks: Are you listening? How is the flow of the Body World supporting your desires in the moment? Is there resistance? In which direction can your steer the vessel of your life so that flow is found again? She makes choices that yield to a rhythm her body can move through with ease. She cultivates strength by befriending grace and sensation as allies. She is a master of patience in the birth of all things.

Perhaps most importantly in this time of women-against-women... she puts down her sword of judgement once and for all. The Yin Warrior wields no weapon. She shines with an Open Heart - as it is the only "protection" she needs. When anyone (including another woman!) speaks, the Yin Warrior listens with her entire body. She overrides the cultural tendency to self-compare (attire, physique, age, etc); competition is meaningless to her. Instead she hears what is being said beneath the surface of things, using her body as a fine-tuned instrument of presence and discernment so that she may re-create harmony.

Harmony
She makes her personal well-being a first priority and a felt sensation. She asks: When something "goes wrong" in your environment, where do you go to address the disharmony? Do you frantically resist your environment outside, hoping to change your internal landscapes? What does it take to restore a sense of balance in your body and heart? The Yin Warrior cultivates self-love by taking overt actions that affirm how her life matters to her.

The Yin Warrior listens to her own rhythms and instincts first and foremost. She feels no need to criticize, gossip, or complain... for she understands all impulses rippling in and around her are mirrors through which to see herself more clearly. She looks closely in such moments, and discerns how she might care for herself and the world around her more efficiently. Through self-nurturing, she re-aligns herself with the voice of her instincts (and the environment responds with harmony in accordance with her self-love). Her god-given enchantment is nurtured on a soulular level, so any measures to adorn her physical form are meant to enhance her natural radiance.

INTUITION
A woman knows without knowing how. An inner-aligment with instinct is the foundation for intuition. Tuning in - sensing the world within and without - is the grid upon which the heart rests in its knowing.

Radiant Knowledge
The knowing of the heart is radial. It encompasses all - even the unseen - in its assessment of the moment. This is why instinct coupled with sensation is the foundation of such knowledge. Without this radial awareness, instinct becomes egocentric and blind to the whole. Fearful instincts are not considered in context, and are thus mistaken for intuitive knowing. Therefore, the Yin Warrior is firmly anchored in the body world so that she may be a conduit for knowledge of another kind.

When intuition comes, it need not be accompanied by fireworks. It creeps up in the heart of a woman, and she knows not its true source. A sudden awareness emerges - through thought, word, image, or sensation. The Yin Warrior holds this knowing up against her internal compass which measures its implications on the environment around her. Only when a confirmation responds from within does she give movement to her knowledge.

Emphatic Truth
Empathy is that which makes necessary the path of the woman as a warrior archetype in our existing culture. Empathy is the tool the Yin Warrior lives her life learning to understand. A woman who embraces her inherent gifts and is in touch with the world around her may sometimes feel bombarded with information and stimulation. Sensation is heightened and can overwhelm the body. Intuition is activated and can overwhelm the heart and mind. The Yin Warrior applies her empathic abilities to balance these tendencies, as she receives from so many sources at once. Once balanced, empathy says, I sense the energy that is present while knowing that I am she who is sensing. I do not confuse myself with the energetic environment in which I live... nor that which I interact with. I do not confuse your experience with the truth of who you are. I see behind the veils of this world; and therefore, I never lose my faith in love.

In this way, truth is welcome in a new way. The Yin Warrior speaks great truth with an ease, an acceptance, a grace. She shares what is alive inside of her without becoming lost in the experience. She comes from a place of harmony... so no matter the potency of the honesty she transmits, she is understood in her intention to create connection. She is direct and clear in her communication, but never confrontational. Connection is her starting point, and her endpoint. She is truly a conduit of love through word and action.

INTERDEPENDENCE
When instinct (physical radiance) and intuition (heart radiance) are attended to, a woman is at one with her world. It is then that relationship reveals itself Whole through her.

Partner with the Beloved He
The Yin Warrior knows that the union of Her Most Sacred Heart with the Beloved He comes first. She places her body, heart, and soul in union with the force of life... and it dances her with a graceful ease. Her life is meant to service and nurture Relationship the the All of Life, first and foremost. This is the Divine Marriage through which she will find her greatest joys and sorrows (both of which she honors and treasures for their unique gifts).

The Infinite Spaceholder
The Yin Warrior holds space through which life can happen. She is the fertile soil of the land. No matter how the fields of her heart are tended, she returns to wholeness again and again. Resilience as a concept can not do her justice. Nor the concept of the Survivor, for it implies victimhood. She is no victim, regardless of circumstance. She is the ultimate power of acceptance. Divine acceptance that sees through veils of personalities, challenges, and consequence. Her choices are sacred acts of love - each a birth of life worth celebrating to fruition. And, knowing nature, she knows this... ALL will bear fruit, in due time.

The Nurturer, she pulls all of life to her bosom in order to shed light of love.
Treat all as innocent children, she whispers.
Accept this world. Love it whole in order to change it.

Embracing Self-Love
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, February 2008

Well-ordered self-love is right and natural.
- St. Thomas Aquinas

In recent weeks, I have become more aware than ever that I have much to learn about self-care. It's a common paradox for those of us in paths of service. Continually we encourage others to honor personal rhythms of healing, while ignoring the lights flashing in our own hearts. It's true indeed that we teach what we need to learn. I have come to notice that, quite often, in coaching sessions I am the messenger administering the medicine to us both via intuition and unexpected verbal elixirs.

It has been said before, love is an action. It is a series of choices. And so, when it comes to shining love inward, we must compassionately observe the choices that we make repeatedly throughout the day. How often are we present to what is alive in the moment? Do we sometimes override impulses to self-nurture in order to feed perceived urgencies in our environment? It takes only awareness to rewind, and re-choose.

True Self-love is hardly a singular or selfish pursuit. In actuality, it is blatantly spiritual - an act of reverence for the energy from which you came. Honor your body as a sacred temple, your mind as fertile ground for divine awareness, and your heart as a blessed antennae steadfast in rhythmic dance with all of life.

We only appreciate our good or evil
in proportion to our self-love.
François de la Rochefoucauld

It is a worthwhile practice to meditate on the quote above. It is our relationship to self-love that guides our perceptions in life. Take any event in your life and hold it inward in your awareness. If the light of self-love is dimly lit, you may see yourself as a victim of circumstances. Lack of light may taint your view of What-Simply-Is to incorporate a poor self-image, feeding inner drama and suffering. Depressing stories are built - not upon circumstances - but upon forgetfulness of the worth within.

If, however, you have access to the abundance of light inside...if you see yourself as an essential aspect of the light of goodness, suddenly the world around you looks much different. You will see that each and every response to circumstance is built upon the choice that you make in the moment. Heightened self-love results in acceptance and self-empowerment, and both are unattached to storytelling as a means to justify feeling good. Loving the light within is timeless and unconditional with practice, regardless of what happened "once upon a time."

Investing in mini-acts of self-love is the greatest gift that you can give to those around you. Over time you see that your inner light needs to be fed with awareness in order for you to give the best of you to others. So take that walk in the park in the middle of the day, feed yourself healthy perpectives, and surely it can't hurt to give yourself a hug from time-to-time. In re-igniting your bliss, you become evermore committed to passing it along.